-10:54:00 PM

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you hadn't?, orSaying nothing and wishing you had?
I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.
Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them.
If you do, they might break your heart...if you don't, you might break theirs.
Have u ever decided not 2 become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you alreadyhad with that person?
Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.
You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own........when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.
Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?
Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much...for fear that the other person does notcare as much, or even at all.
Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?
We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.
But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.
Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.

* What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say good-bye?
*What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?
*What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt? (even if it is that you don't care anymore)
*What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them?
*What would you do if you never got the chance to say I am friends with all of my family and they know I love them?
*People live, but people die. I want to tell you thatyou are a friend.If you died tomorrow (God Forbid)you would bein my heart.

Would I be in yours?

-7:55:00 PM

through shimmering light you rose



through fades of time you frame




with your own legs you stand




and companies you never lack




alternatives shines brighter




fresh breath of nicotine in the wee morning




and the elixir of immortality




living to live




the bread winner




staring at what you cant catch




but nothing more than dirt




but new life still lingers




and joy carries on




cuteneess revived




happiness prevail

-7:51:00 PM

have you ever paused, n saed.. wat am i doing..
do i reli want to be me. this person dat is me..
its like youre in a place you dont know, hands full of blood.. n you just dont know how it gt there..
a rush of questions rush to you mind, your alreadi cramped mind. you start to recall where you were, wat you did, even when you know its too late. you try to make things better for the future which you know you reli cant.

you find yourself in the middle of a plain. you see an oasis from afar. you run towards it but ur legs r just too heavy. but u still ran.. ran for the oasis.. the nearer u r, the vaguer the oasis becomes. n soon u relise that its just a mirage. n there you r.. ntg to look on..run to.. hope for..

as light shys away. darkness takes over..stonecold surrounding rises. you cant see urself. you cant see the way, your lips froze, you cant shout, or scream. but under thoes faltering breath, you whispered.. you whispered prayers of saint. with no prove of it ever coming true, you still hold on to it. with no reason to do so.as quick as it comes, it goes. now ur back staring at this monitor of yours. what have you done recently to reli make use of urself instead of counting on others to do ur bidding. we control our path, our outcome. how unpredictable life might be.. we have to learn standing on our feet. dont let an event push you down so low, till you just find it hard to scramble back on your feet. thoes hand helping you know would go. they themself have to find their path.

so dnt find yourself hanging one day when you wake up. pull urself up..its the effort..the work done.. it will carve u.. friends keep changing. only a few stays with you for a couple of phases of your life. sooner or later they will have to go.. build themself a castle.. till you mit up, you will tok about the castle youve build. over a humble cup of coffee

-6:36:00 PM

well.. alot of things happen these few weeks. went for SHL camp which was such a bore. but get to mit new friends ah. and gta know 2 of ma frens cute2..haha.. wana knal?? haha. and i lost ma fone.. k im nt ina mood to blog.. maybe next time ya.

-3:44:00 PM

do you know that we need to get out of this poverty cycle. one way is through education. but if youre nt gd at it nevermind. do somethin youre good at say like soccer. to me being halted from chasing my dream is bad. i can see myself playing soccer professionally then, but you stopped me. you say that there are no cert, no future. you dont have faith in us do you. you alwaes make me feel like a fool. like someone so damn down low.

n now youre doing it to my bro. he cant really study as you know yourself. let him excel in something else. you want him to end up like you? i never want to be like you. neither do my bro. youre just someone who has so much to say, but wouldnt do anything. just sit there and hoping for something to happen.

you keep saying about people. what about you huh? what about you....

-11:41:00 PM

through tears that we shed, our defination of beauty arise, where we can see through little eye drop and a dispersion of thoughts can be seen.. only then, will you see that you left a dent on my heart. a dent so deep, bigger than a pothole. but i know that we both were just living the moment.. but why does it still hurt.. when i search for your eyes, we just cant meet..

-9:16:00 AM

i don not know if there is anyone worse than you. you sleep the whole day waking up just to call of your stomach. you dont do work and you dont feel even a slight of guiltiness. for 3 years.. 3 years you didnt suppoort us. i never get what i want and have to work for my needs. my basic needs damn you. you always spout things without thinking, you always think that you were always right.

what ever i do is never right, what ever i didnt do is also never right. to me youre just a dead body living in the house, sucking all the luck that we have left. you shout and scream at the break of dawn and you never really cared. you and your arrogant attitude, you never want lose out to me dont you. you cant let me have something more than you. you always have something to stop me from doing what i like. ur generation and mine are like lightyears apart. i even planned with ma fren to get a rented house so that we can escape hell in heaven.

even youre own grandad passed away, you dont even attend his burial. are you even human? are you? with mums condition like that, which you really are responsible for. you are. you dnt even made an attempt to make her better but you leave her making curry puffs to make ends meet. everyday i go to school, den off to werk and help mum with her curry puffs till even 3 at times and you were living your dream, in your dream. you always think that there is a way iot for everything, must you really find the way out, if you dnt get yourself in this. sometimes i miss my teenage years to work and try to feed you. i dont even go out with ma frens, even if i do, its like just for awhile. ive been patience all this while.. i still am. but i still love you.. i still do

-8:09:00 AM

we grew up together. share the same class, our parents were friends. i still remember the tea break and the nap that we use to take in class. you were kinda a big sis that i never had. den we were lost for 6 years. funny that sometimes people change so much that when they grow. but i dont. and seriously, i still look like when i wa in K1. people still can recognise and when they like approach me and say "hei Dedy".. il be going like "hei....", den just walk off. plus thinking to myself..who can that be.. haha.. k im drifting

time past so swiftly as like a cup of milo to me. downed in a gulp. 2nd august 2008 marks the evolvement of my batch to adulthood. she looks so twinkling in those subtle wedding dress. face so calm like a lake with no currents. she look happy i guess. good for her. seeing her like that seems to make me realise that i am no longer the small cute kid i was, im a man now. i have greater responsibility than just playing green toy soldiers in a bucket full of water and asking my mum to get into my posh "toy" car. its been great what you made go through, ull always be apart of me. ive seen you get into many relationship which i know you werent that serious about. you have to be now.

to my dearest dearest friend,
rafidah , fifie

-10:55:00 AM

i guess im back to my old mood, i no longer find sending order a drag. i guess there are no more mini games playing in my mind that makes me so exhausted mentally and physically. no more things bothering me, its the life that im used to. school den werk den go home sleep. and im finally sticking to 1. im so relieved. this way, i wont find myself pondering which way should i go.

school was like mundane. but luckily for me i gt bucuk to like accompany me through my days in school. its strange that some people who was like in the same environment for 2 years oblivious about each others existance suddenly like addicted to dat 1.

truthfully, school would be just school if it aint for the people that walks to school with me, smoke with me, webby with me, eat with me, laugh with me. this is school after all. dont mind the "institution of education" label. school is where you meet friends, make friends, expand your network and thanks to this, im not stuck at home waiting for someone to hit me to chill.

i have motive in life finally. my aspirations are to finish school enter ns, get into OCS, get myself a shoulder rank, and sign on. my life is sealed. that is my final answer. when i retire, i wana be a PE teacher. have 2 kids with my dear wife. on boy and one girl. boy - Al Shemarq, girl - Al Therisha. may sound arab but it just sounds nice. and i want my children to be first in tha class list. hehe