-1:33:00 PM

im just happy that you finally found your answer.. i cant bare to see you sad and shedding thoes tears.. let it be ya rite..its just not meant to be.. and i do not want to hurt you further with my vague saying and all.. ive hurt you enough.. you will find happiness in what you do and rainbows are awaiting for you..

youll just be a post in my diary which i would read back on when im in bed with a soft light shining from above. i cant write any longer..im done

Labels: nocturnal

-11:31:00 PM

aper saje..im reli tired of people accusing when they dont know a thing..thers alot of people like this in ma life..aniwaes gd to know what that now rather den later..ive been parrying what people saed bout you..but now i know what they mean..

im not dat much affected by your departure..n people dont care bout me??boy??grow up lah eh..u were the one getting all excited..n im a liar nw??haha..after i helped u thru werk life..

maybe izzat was true..dnt worry..ill never check up ur blog..go chase watever..wen u grow up.you will realise that theres more to live than just urself..

Labels: nocturnal

its twitches ma fren, twitches..i dont reli mind la kos i know that you are still young and do not know what the world is out there..go find yourself a ship and go sailing where the horizon lies..and i too had been lying to u n myself..well let it only be known to me ya gerl..n please dnt tell people what ive told when for a moment there i tot you are true to your werds..werds are not the same as it was used to..the phrase "ill hold on to ur werds" are no longer valid..n yesterday, i ddnt get the irritation because of you my fren..there are stiil alot of gal like you in my life..bt theres only one gal 4 me..n its not you..fortunately or unfortunately i must say..

i hope you find what life is and maybe you will know ho vague love is..love=sayang..dnt throw that werd around eh..your word sayang would have low value in the end..i never reli intiated anything btw us..all along its been about you..you have the last say..so if you want to have it this way..have it den..just dnt turn back..just dont..i dont wana get these little prick which is worth nothing..nothing at all..i stil hope you all the best..all the best..

Labels: nocturnal

was a lazy day todae..very..but the end part was more of a pain..1030..that was when it started..look like you prove my point straight in ma face..it was an irritating moment..kena last order n reli..last order..1058 still gt order..i was riding like mad..scraping ma foot rest all the way and with this feeling i have..arrgh..geram..den gt at the last order..no unit no..i called and she saed 5th story..manager msg non existence unit no..padahal he was under the block..den trafic light rosak..nak mainstand takleh..

nk pengsan..someone was right..you are fickled..you saed no1 else,but you prove me wrong..you ask me not to do..but you dont reli care..you make me feel upheld den you throw me down the river..

im done k..the past few days you showed me signs..y dont you just tell me eh..y must you stab me den pull it bigger..just pull it out..ill die the same..

my wonderdul life just rained today..wonder when is the rainbow gona come out next..you....nvm..

i never felt anything like this before..but im willing to let go kos i told you that if you found someone better den go girl..i dont reli mind..i dont..im fine by maself..thats how ive always been..

ill just have many gd gal flens i guess..but i wont have you..

back to that lonely road..the long and winding road..
and i to have feelings if you dnt know

-2:17:00 PM

ehm..i see ma close one knocked 1 by 1. it must be miserable huh to know ur ex has feelings for ur ex. its the worst thing i cud imagine.. i realli wish she is fine..stay cool ya gerl.. n the other down with a migraine..walauweh..dats like so hurting leh..can lead to permenant brain damage seh..den degil..tak au nak g doc..haiz..the other stuck between 2 nice guys.. dont think of it too much lah..if you can't change things, take it as it is la eh.. n gt someone gt a reli irrit haircut..haha..step nigger..ape sajek.. you all rileks k..ni aru cobaan jek..dnt blame anyone just yet..overcome it first and when it is settled than ya..do what you want..

and as for me..i guess im very tired these few daes..been like half a year since i do anything..nabz,lau saturday nak g gym blang ah eh.. n kinda lonely as all are buzy or just too sad and sick..looks like its my turn to lift them up huh..

-12:32:00 AM

hemm..where should i start..
just saying that it is true that i have lots of gal flens.
its true that i am close with them..
it is true that i click well with them..

but i never cared for any1 more like you.
i never knew what the meaning of life is.
ive been like colombus all this while..
just trying to survive the island

but then you came
with orchids snuck between ur ear lips
straw skirt and plenty of smile
ive seen many but none like this

there is a hen before an egg
some rain before a rainbow
some water before a plant
some storm before calm..

you may think what i say is empty
validity doubted, trust not given

you used to talk till dawn n all
where every mgs are replied no matter how late'

i know that you burntout these few daes..
you feel as if the whole world had slowed down
but i hasnt my dear, it hasnt
life is still there

so just suck it in
put up a brave front
n even if you fall
im here k..just know that

-12:56:00 AM

quite a while since i see her smile,
actually even seeing her,
shes grown her hair,
but she still gt the cutest everything ever

i took a peek when shes listening,
to the sound of life,
there i stood, refugeed from time,
awwing at the greatest thing on earth

but thats what ive been doing all along,
watch,
im may be slow but im not dumb
i know shes out of my reach

im not the only one chasing the 'american dream'
and i know that there are so many others who she deserve
i know im not 'the one'
i can see that, i can feel that

i saed id make her my wife,
take good care of her,
never let her cry again,
never let her sob again

i reli wish to keep that promise
well maybe when there is time,
where we dont think bout life,
maybe we can think bout US

Labels: her

-11:40:00 AM

meet my superhero team guys




this is fantastic 5
Fai
his superpower is making heads turn with his inability to pronounce words. advice, take phonics class.
he is some1 hu i link reli easily as we share common interest and behaviour. Although i just knew him close nw, its never too late i guess. i trust him with all my life. too bad hes going to serve NS as the country needs him. i shud have gone in with him, same date, same acedemy. but too bad. gd luck my fren..



little miss sunshine
Syariza
Superpower is to shine bright light everytime she smile. one of the cutest thing ive seen and is currently seeing fantastic 5. very2 friendly and love to share. weakness, couldnt hold on to feelings she feel. always looked forword to werking with her. brightens my day eventhough im done or up. cant stand but smile everytime i look at her.



Super Shidaa
nunu shahidah
power to mendle with people's mind. has a nice squeeky voice to it. very subtle in every way. manje giler. n ya....diam ah...haha

these are my pizza hut superheroes n ya, these peeps r my closest.. cant imagine how werking life wud b without them.

im werking to be 1 oso..see my transformation in three weeks time ya all..

aiya..so tired todae..so im just gna tok bout wat happen todae..like every1 else
no flowery words n all..haha

todae was kinda mendak..bangun pagi2,den gt headache..n i know gona be demam..
still went meet mama to help her carry things from pasar..dno y she go so far..kate nak carik pop corn chicken..nenek ngidam..i still wonder y is she so nice to her when dulu baru kawin nenek always make mama cry to sleep..hearing her sad story last time always make me angry wit my other families..guess i have a gd mom ah..sayang mama..haha..bt i nvr say it to her..i know shes sacrifised a great deal for me n the family..i owe her my life..n so will i protect her wit ma life..

todae 2 near death accident n 1 confrontation from a mac rider..sori ah babe, kenek kilas ngan wave pon mau mengamok..lu naek kr sol..takan takleh kejar alek..lu kamikaze..gua rilek aja..

this is typical no life malays..so strong with their pride n all..takleh knk cikit..im a rileks guy..n criusly,get a life..

straighten things out with sm1 todae..naseb lah kan..but i totally no mood lah seh to tok wit people..evry single thing tends to trigger me..haha

k ah..guess dis is it..n thoes secondary school kids..back to skul ah eh..haha..gna miz u though.

-2:49:00 PM

u saed u are busy with ur life

i understand
i know its hard to take me in
i hold my tears
i know you are tired of life
i symphatise
u saed it wud be unfair to me
i never cared bout it
u saed maybe later on in life
i will wait
u saed i shud find sm1 better
i cant

theres no1 but u in my life
i have troubles
and so do you
what i want is that we walk the road
till the very end,if there is

you shine my life as bright as can be
you colour my life as colourful as can be

kau yang ku sanjungi
yang ku rindui
lama sudah kau bersembunyi
hilang sudah paras wajahmu
di ingatan ku

kau insan yang ku harapkan
kau yang ku ingin kan

kau yang bernama...

why is everyone mourning about how bad the world is..
its not that bad..actually
some have trouble brewing at every turn of a corner..
some sit at one corner pulling hairs..
some just wana dissapear all together..

these are challenges brought upon us humans..
take it as gracefully as it is given..
we are not the decider of our path i know..
but we are the one walking it
so dnt just let the things that are thrown at u to hit..
pick it up..throw it back..

if you find sm1 along the way..
tag along but dnt hold his hand..
youll just hurt yourself at the junction where he goes the other side..
people change like you do..
i admit that i change from time to time..

life is wonderful..
if you think it is..

its okay to lie to yourself at times..
try to change as many things as you can..
try to accept thoes that you cant..

n what i meant as 'get a life'
is to walk your path..
dnt look back and search for the horizon
its there smwhere..
if you just believe

-3:00:00 PM

yesterday was a great day kos i finally gt a chance to sit beside her and joke around with her. gt a piece of her.. shes reli...reli...reli...cute up close in persom..walauweh..

we talk and mock each other till dawn..haha..never have i talk to her like that and she reli brightens up my day...reli..hope it will continue ya SU.

den go watch movie wit nabz again..incredible hulk..aaaarrrggghhhh..hulk smasshhhh..kedebabom!!haha

reli sweet la spend time with her..

i realised im much more happier these few days..everything settled.i have some1 to care for me and complain at night..with HAN N MAMA...hehe..reli missed ur smile..N SMACK...haha

hope u guys r hapy too ya ait

I think I'm very happy
Because I feel really good
I'm not all grumpy and sad
I feel happy because I should

Sad and mad and glad and bad
Mixed emotions I used to keep
At night I used to toss and turn
But now I get plenty of sleep

I'm a great person most of the time
And I keep good company always
The only time that I get all grumpy
Is on those sunny days

I should be happy...I really should
No one can convince me of less
I should be happy and make others happy
I should always be happy I guess

-9:37:00 AM

my hopes are like a kite,
you hold on tight to it,
dnt wish to let go,
dnt wish to bring it near to you..

it dances with the wind,
you pull it,you release it,
you dont know if you wana set it high,
or just keep it low..

i feel like its being played with,
you give me hope,but you take it away,
will you take me home or cut the string,
or you just take me to entertain you..

i dnt mind shielding you from the sun,
but i cant do much,
i dnt mind making you giggle the whole day,
dats all i can do..

Time and again the doubts come along
But why let them stay?
Everyone's far from who they could be
We're all on our way
Days we were strong we remember well, yeah
Days we were scared, we live and learn
Ask me the way and I will point above
No matter what, that where I turn
That where I turn

Labels: her, nocturnal

-3:38:00 PM

like a vase
when things are broken..its broken
even if you put them back together,
there is still some fine line,
prove of it shaterring..

people who so see ur vase
might miss the crack,
but you noe,you noe its there
you just dnt feel the same

but its better to see it as a whole once more,
kos bits of pieces are just too many to count..

you get what you get,
and you dnt get upset,

yesterdays history,
tomorrows a mystery,
for todaes a gift,
thats why they kol it present..
(kung fu panda)

taxn for being there for me ya
eventhough you know that you are just one of them
you still kept strong
you just listened on..

thank you very much

Labels: nocturnal, secret

-9:35:00 PM

why do special people change in my life,
are they just scared to live,
or r they just bored of living,

i close one change drastically,
she start to smoke and drink heavily,
when she was the 1 who asked me to stop doing all that,
and nw??

it reli is disheartening to see her that way,
can you imagine watching someone you care just
sucked down the whirlpool

i reli hate having this feeling of guilt,
i hope i can change her but i paused,
took a look at myself and turned away..

i myself had changed,
i saw her face staring towards,
wished i could just smile,
but i hung my head low and just walked past..

i knew that i couldn't go on like this,
but what can i do,
just keep dodging her eyes?
till when??

thoes eyes just kept rewinding in my head,
i wish i could erase it away,
and yes i did,
by drinking with my freinds till i drop

drank vodkas and gins
woke up at a fitness corner at 8 aM
in my werk uniform..so sad la seh..
but i did 4gt her

for a while

at night went dwn werk place..n she was there..
so ya these things go around again
n there is just something bout her tonight
she didnt smile or laugh

tot by nt bothering her,
she would smile once more
but no

wished i could asked wats wrong.
but i know she wouldnt listen
n ya.
ive changed

-9:30:00 PM

Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...........so tired..ive not slept like for 20 hours oliadi..yesterdays bbq pit was like..was like..better not say it lah..haha..tot alot of peeps are coming but alot of excuses i gt.haha..met sucy at pasir ris mrt to fetch me..go hr house where sulala and dian is..den like slack till 530 before head for the pit..set up everything with sucy has to go back home kos she forgot alot of stuffs..cant blame her actually..haha

den like around 730 sarina had to back for a lil camp..offered to sent her up to the bustop..quite sweet if u ask me..haha..we talked all the way..then the chinese gang set off for a "journey to Changi"..haha..which was a goo thing as some of natasha's and yuetee's fren came slowly one by one like ants discovering a giant lolly pop on the ground..drank abit..dian was suppose to share a bottle of tiger with me but after a sip,..shes not liking it and i have to finish it off..haha

they stayed quite a while and i feel bad for the chinese gang where its suppose to be their pits but conquered by some outsiders..sori guys..well finished all the stuff and like all were ko by 3 or 4 am..feeling bored.i went cycling alone..kinda cool..haha..

i was left packing up alone only to be assisted by sucy and dian after they came out from the toilet..feeling2 org responsible..haha.we went to macs for a proper breakfast..we originally tot of goin hm but nabz asked me to accompany her to wait for ma ite mates..thay plan to go wild2 wet..haha..so i waited..suppose to have 8 people going but 3 tak jadi..and it was like a free ticket..they asked me along..n im like nvr went in b4..just jammed ah..haha..ride the chances flying by..hahaso after that we went changi village to makan nasi ayam penyet..the sambal was like maut gile lah seh..dats y their famous huh..den they say go movie n im like k i had enaf for dae..so gt on bus 19 to tamp..upon reaching..nabz gt kidnapped by them kos she dnt wana go as well..so ya..kidnapped..

i was left alone n looking at the escelator hoping that she'll pop up..but she didnt..so journey back home starts there..slept thru till chinese garden..

im so damn tired la n tomorrow nite still gt pit..wonder if im going lor..haiz..ill post he pics later after i gt

-9:16:00 PM

haiya..gt class bbq tomorrow..shud b fun..i reli hope..if its not den, its not la..
promise to take more pics of tomorrow..
den 3 days frm nw gt sec sch pit. i have to go kos its been like a year since i made contact with these earthlings..nanti kate sombong lak an..ileks jek..
will be getting a bike at the end of this year i hope..i hope..haha
im not tired of taking public but just that its like the evolution of me into a man..
haha..and dont worie..ill ride anyone who needs a lift..nt because i hav an eye 4 a gal ah eh..but just that i remember on how people sent me hm and all..reminds me on how i feel..but sometimes..understand understood ah eh..takde minyak or jauh sangat..
but ill do whenever i can..but my 1st pillion is gona be my kecik..eh kecik..ill pick u to skul and after your floorball training ya..i promise..c la if i werk or not eh..haha
n i kinda reli2 miz u ah kecik..reli3..
mit up one day wit abg syam n kakak dian eh..been awhile..
n i gta get a big present for their wedding day..
haha..nt JLo's perfume agi ekh..haha
k lah..enjoy ur class pit ya..

-8:08:00 PM

there are a few people i want to thank in this life of mine.
but ill just give the descriptions la..you guys figure it out yourself..

1st i wana thank someone i met two years ago.. we were never friends,classmate or even a couple but my one and only. you were there to listen to me and youre the only person i feel comfortable sharing. though much of our conversation are phone based, we were still strong.. you have my deepest darkest secret.. and you kept it well.. i reli miss thoes days when i wake up in the morning just looking forward to deeing you. thoes days are gone.. but i remembered how you maturely parried all the words of mouth and we were even caught at the back of the chalet. hahas..we marched through the doors with pride and ready to launch our "anti-words" missile. we are still going strong now even when sometimes im too engrossed with some1 else till i almost forgot you. i dnt mind the little2 twitches i had wth sm1 kos i wont be devastated by their departure. but i do remember when i had a little quarrell with you and one by one, thoes tears began to fall.. thats the worst and best day of my life, one being that i almost lost you, the other,dats the first time i cried for a girl. call me emo. i still remember the call where i thought you randomly picked, you put up a strong front but somehow i know that your very very sad. so a asked.. "what happened".. you were sobbing and i couldnt stand but close my eyes and try to make telephatic contact with you.haha.. i promised ill make you my wife, i promised ill never hurt you in anyways, i promise that you are the only one who fills my emptyness. your cheekyness and your kiddiness makes me smile. eventhough you are always looking like THE WIZARD OF OZ in the morning..haha..you are still my "kecik"...

the next person i want to thank is my werk place bestie.. she is the sweetest girl but still cant beat the person above..hehe.. shes is like the person who lights up the restaurant when its dark and gloomy. look forward the weekends to werk with her. but ill be content at beztie kos i know im out of her league and i do not want to make any1 uncomfortable. just being with her dis close and sharing some of my secrets are very contenting.. im reli glad youre in my life as werk would jst be werk ah. i reli need you at werk ait nw more thsn ever..dnt just quit on me yar gerl.. you have loads of suitors, and ill make sure that thoes candidates you choose..audition with me 1st.. haha.. im a man, i can read man.. and whoever dares to hurt my girl2. ill draw blood for you..beztie..

what amaze me is that you listen to thoes loads of crap,
and say that im the cause of it,
ape nie..
ive told you before y im keeping this secret,
kos i know its gona end up this way,

n y are you even affected by what they say?
you know its not true,
you say youre makin it easy for me??
ive been patience just to mke it easy for us,
the riders are just saying it for fun,
we are mature beings,

we dont talk behind the guy,
we just sound it like a joke,
a means of entertainment,

y do still have to make it this way??
n you kept avoiding me at werk when,
we used to joke around at werk,
i dont care what you take me as after werk,
but you make me feel inferior at work..

even nak amek air pon pikir due kali.
if you reli feel bad than i can leave if you want,
but i dnt wish to,
as i know that this can be saved,

i dnt want this to drag la ehs..
just act normal la..
nothing reli happened..
y you have to make a big fuss..

when they make funs of us,
just laugh along..
kos they dont know a thing do they

i met her when i was in secondary school,
she was the big i sister i nvr had,
but she was too good to be ma sis,
n so shes ma baby,

we were so tight back then,
like nothing can split us,

well thats what i tot of course,

an incident broke out and i was left paralyssed in dismay,
i couldnt believe it,
i couldnt accepted it,
so we are done and she gt married,

do you reli move on when you dnt tink of her,
den suddenly she came back into the pic,
and a rush of mixed feelings follows,

contacted back and she told me how bad was her marriage,
and how she regretted leaving me,
i symphatise her but,
is it just symphatise?

i dont know..
left me with an empty mind these few days
i tot i lost her and now,
she almost back at me,

if she goes again this tyme,
isit losing her again?
or just gaining back old memories?

i dont know..
found someone who can reli fill me,
her laughter and her behaviour,
sets her apart..

would i lose her if i ponder on it too much?
or would i lose my 1st love if i go wit this gal?
i dont know..

wrote ma last post as to make me feel better
how things bout people saying her adulterous
when she just met me..
her old lil bro..

but as i write that post..
my heart felt heavy..

was i reli hoping to move on..
or am i just hurting maself with the blades of memory..
i just dont know..

i hope she has moved on cause i dnt want her,
to be in between,
dont want her to think the past..

niwaes hurt maself 2dae
saket gile..
but no1 seemed to care

so sad
but ive lived with it for sometime oliadi..
at this age,i shouldnt be tripping over little2 things..
i shold be more open and try to take in more stuffs..

sori for thoes ive hurt
sori for the misunderstanding
or misconception

im just human

n yana..take care of your husbnd
and my little cute zulaisha eh

papa promise bring you eat pizza k

wish i had a child in my own
haiz

sori 4 making you listen to all this,
but i just dnt know wher to turn

all the doors are slammed at ma face..
till then

tata

-12:31:00 PM

im just a stain

though i know im not right for you, i still try to find you,
eventhough i know that youre finding something new to
past the old, i still willingly be your subject,
im happy to see you find a path to walk on eventually,
and not live on the road of pretence that i once rode on,
im happy to know that you finally found a purpose,
to live in this world of feelings,
i wont be beside you accomponying you
till where the road ends if it does have,
but ill just be way behind,
scoping you and just smile at how you skip,
hands locked with someone else,
cause if youre happy den i guess ive done my job,
as a fren,
fear not that i would tell everybody that were
just good frens like we are,
go on girl, im fine
its just another episode in my life,
where the sad background music comes along,
and people looking sad,
but deep inside they noe they did their best,
and i did my best
and im happy,
i truly am

Labels: i wont bother you no more

-11:15:00 AM

Werk2

2 Hot Things

2 Cute Things

Gua Org Rilek

evrytime i look into thoes eyes of yours
past thoes grievance tears you shed
i saw hope which you thought was lost
but its something youve always had

you may think that you are hazed
into the land of the unknown
struggling to find the answers to the maze
finding the answers you call your own

i can take the obliviousness you throw
cause i know youre somewhere in between
i can take the occasional blow
but for how long, is left to be seen

guess your secrets is really yours
i just hope you keep mine

ive said it before that i dont wana get into
anything serious'
cause im scared either of us would get hurt
but it is strange that i had not dived into anything
of that sort
but im already getting hurt

in this short moment we had
i felt sweet and sour with you'
but time is all i need from you'

just wana know
do u even think of me, ever
i know its been long since youre alone
n try to move on

im not saying you have but you should
dnt be like me..

you made me try to move on
but evrytime i inched closer
you pull me back with your kshfkjhrkf'

i wish you luck
you know hu u r
i dont

-12:13:00 AM

if only you knew what i think of you
if only you knew how i feel bout you
if only you knew what love is all about
if only you knew where this is taking us at
if only you knew that im praying for you always
if only you knew that i am always here for you
if only you knew why im here for you
if only you knew when you make me wanna cry
if only you knew somehow that we are to be

if only i knew that these things wont happen
but ill never give up hope on you
that ive build so high
even when these hopes are frail

every night i pray
with no prove that anyone could hear
but faith is all that i need
faith in you

you promised me the sun
you pledged me the moon
but where are they now i ask

i never reli wanted feel this way
but you are the reason why i stay
well you could just be my unintended
my feelings stays no matter what

twitches in my heart are the prove of my word
one need not breathe the word "i love you"
cause every wind that brushes hisses these

we are drifting apart, i know
we are two worls apart, i see

you are in a stage where you need to prove
while im in where i need to slow down

its been nice knowing you
i guess those "others" too
i just need you now more than ever
well i guess im not the only one