Saturday, September 13, 2008
Sometimes i wake up in the morning to a new beginning, but it just doesnt happen. this rock in ma chest just wont let me. im left gasping for air in the comfort of my own bed. it leaves me paralysed for a moment till an instance i felt so hurt that i actually think that it was a mini heart attack. but ill just push maself up and faces of people i love, i treasure just flashed.
would i get a chance to say how i really feel, would i get to make u happier than u can ever imagine, would i get a chance to feel your warm embrace once again. it is not i never listen to you guys mummuring. but im just not in a condition where i can just think for myself. what if something is wrong with me. i cant support this family of mine that i love so much. i cant get ma mum through her operation. i wouldnt dare say that i truly love you cause im scared it would just be for a moment before im gone. im scared that i would hurt you even more than what u are. im scared of leaving you alone.
ive been trying so hard to occupy maself with stuff so that i wouldnt feel the pain. i smoke just to console myself. ive been trying hard to withstand the pain in class so that no1 abtually notice. all i could do is rub ma chest secretly so that no one sees it, not that any1 do care but i dont wana be a hastle for any1 to bother. ive lived alone in ma own world for most of my time. having sm1 there to see to u would be nice but i guess im just conditioned to feel cold. not opening up maself so much cause that will leave me vulnerable.
i dont mind being a mirage of your past. i cant change you in an instant but i just want you to know that i care. n ill do anything within my means to make u reach nirvana.
sometimes i think to maself that no matter how hard i pray, theres no prove that anyone cud here. but ill just keep holding on till a moment where all my prayers and questions answered.Labels: she, the pain
