-3:48:00 PM

Well if I die tonight
I wonder Where I'll be tomorrow
Nobody cry please
Push away the sorrow
'Cause I ain't been
The best of men
The best of friends
The best of mom
And mamas first son
The best of anything
Tell Nana here's a last one

If I die tonight
Would I be forgiven
By all the people I been slackin
with When I was livin?
Those who I hurt their hearts
Took advantage of
And even lied to
Hug you one last time
For forgiveness Yeah I would like to

If I die tonight
Would you feel the loss?
Tomorrow would you dial
My number by accident
Then suddenly... pause?

If I die tonight
I wonder who would get
To keep my flip flops and shoes
Jerseys, even my little Stuffed crocodile Coco too
Get my cell phone Message everyone from A to Z
Tell 'em this ain't Dedy
He passed away last night
And pray he rest in peace

If I die tonight
Would you think of my room
When you see blue
Wanted to clean it up this morning
But then I never knew

If I die tonight
What would happen to you
How long would it take Before she kissed another man?
... God damn...
At the brim of boredom
would she be there and sing with me
Things I wish I knew...

Labels: her, mama, she

-9:56:00 AM

You walk past me like I’m part of the scenery
I’m right here but you don’t even see me

She walks be your side, she doesn’t even glance around

When she became your world, that’s when mine crashed down

I’ll smile if it makes you happy

I’ll die if it means you’re still here

I’ll hold you up even if you drag me down

And I won’t shed a tear

No, I won’t shed a tear…

When I smile, it’s just as bad as lying

Can’t you see how on the inside, I am dying?

I can’t hold back any longer

Why, oh why, can’t I be stronger?

I’ll smile if it makes you happy

I’ll die if it means you’re still here

I’ll hold you up even if you drag me down

But I can’t shed a tear

No, I can’t shed a tear…

But I fear… That I will…

And the tears won’t seem to slow down

I feel like I’m gonna drown

If only, if only you’d look at my eyes

You’d understand why this poor soul cries

But you only look through me like I’m not here

Even though my pain is crystal clear

I’ll smile if it makes you happy

I’ll die if it means you’re still here

I’ll hold you up even if you drag me down

Yes, I’ll hold you up even if you drag me down…

I’ll smile if it makes you happy {so happy}

I’ll die if it means you’re still here {still here}

I’ll hold you up even if you drag me down

Please stand up when I’m falling down

Please stand up when I’m falling down

Please stand up when I’m falling down

Labels: her, me, she

-1:51:00 PM

everything seems to be getting hard for me each day. the people i love are no longer smiling like they should. i need them in my life. i need you to smile for me. i can smile for you no doubt but will you for me..

i need someone to msg me, call me at night so that im a lil distracted from my thinking time. maybe share a lil bit of this and that. but there is still no one. would any of you listen to me. i just need to talk. im all choked up from all this.

most of all i need you. but i know that you would be very bz with your own life and squeezing your brain for an answer and praying a miracle would happen like im always praying for you.

no matter wat happens, before its too late i just wana say

I LOVE YOU

Labels: her, she

-1:59:00 PM

People always say to forgive and forget but that is not the case for me. It is either I forgive and never forget or forget and never forgive. Cause if you forgive, you won’t forget what you forgave him for. I will forget that person and would never forgive him and would forget who he is totally.

I am someone who forgives easily and I can’t really bring myself to hate someone. But I will still remember him for what he did. And like you, I did forgive you and you just cant leave my mind. I thought that u was the one for me but I guess it was just another illusion. You are a magician.

And so I move on. Somewhere near to you. Very near to you. She is very2 cute, everytime I look into her eyes, there would be a pause as if the world just stops rotating, time just seized to exist. Lips moving, eyes stuck to each other, but realization hit me. That’s when I turned away. Maybe u too is another mirage. Another girl in the train. I have this pain in my chest plus heart that u produce, with every little things you do says a lot.

Labels: her, she

-11:20:00 AM

i have this urge to see you,
which i never thought was there,
everytime i tie my shoe,
i remember the memories that we share

you noe how i feel bout you,
as ive saed it before,
but ive been reli wondering who,
am i in ur heart and shore

i reli miss you as ive never had.
though im beat and tired but i never get tired of you.
i reli miss your laughter, you smile, your morning frowning face.
where you eyes were as small as the world.
where i only can have peek at whats inside you.
your eyes are the windows to you heart and soul.
and you cant lie.
i understand you when youre down or up.
i reli want to share everything within me
that i hold so long
but we just cant meet eye to eye.
i reli want to hold your hand when that day
where breeze were strong and i hold your hand
sang you a song and a smile arise out of the ashes
if only you knew that you are on the pinnacle of ma list
that i could never dream a dream knowing that we no longer
hold such dreams
ill get a car driving license for you my dear.
as soon as i get a bike.
i reli wana share everything.
you know how my family is like
i want to introduce you to my mum
as shes been longing to see you
i want to eat the food that you prommised to cook
maybe im sick and feverish kos i miss you
i reli do
ur smile brightens my day
but nw i find maself in the dark.
i never reli saed thoes words
but i will one day
i will

Labels: her

-2:54:00 PM

hemm..was late todae..adeq woke me up at 730..and it was like 1 hour from what time i shud have woke up. biase jugak. send ma moms order. kinda tired of rushing there so was like eating at macdonald alone..besh jgk. can reflect on had passed and can reflect on what could have been better and what i should do next.

i learn today from my "reflection" that i have to treasure what i have and not neglect it when i search for new fun. so i msgd her. like out of the blue. kind of missing what i was in her life before we started to drift. i just want to gel it back together where ill send her home eventhough it'll take the gruelling 2 hour bus ride home. but im happy to do that.

yesterday after school i was planning to go to werk den gt a pleasing surprise. SULASTRI!!!!!hah..i realised shes like quite dwn these days so i being the caring or some say kepoh ask her lah..she like nothing2 for awhile, den she gt a call from sm1..she turned to me..took a breathe and saed...nothing..haha..i ask again..den she say..haha..we talk like we never talk before which is like we never reli "talk" before.haha. advices shared and as ive been in her situation for like god knows.. i can tell her my experience. ya...tot of her throughout the LRT journey and finally ending up at werk doing the monotonous thing i do almost every day of my life. sending orders..

Labels: her, sulala

-12:56:00 AM

quite a while since i see her smile,
actually even seeing her,
shes grown her hair,
but she still gt the cutest everything ever

i took a peek when shes listening,
to the sound of life,
there i stood, refugeed from time,
awwing at the greatest thing on earth

but thats what ive been doing all along,
watch,
im may be slow but im not dumb
i know shes out of my reach

im not the only one chasing the 'american dream'
and i know that there are so many others who she deserve
i know im not 'the one'
i can see that, i can feel that

i saed id make her my wife,
take good care of her,
never let her cry again,
never let her sob again

i reli wish to keep that promise
well maybe when there is time,
where we dont think bout life,
maybe we can think bout US

Labels: her

-9:37:00 AM

my hopes are like a kite,
you hold on tight to it,
dnt wish to let go,
dnt wish to bring it near to you..

it dances with the wind,
you pull it,you release it,
you dont know if you wana set it high,
or just keep it low..

i feel like its being played with,
you give me hope,but you take it away,
will you take me home or cut the string,
or you just take me to entertain you..

i dnt mind shielding you from the sun,
but i cant do much,
i dnt mind making you giggle the whole day,
dats all i can do..

Time and again the doubts come along
But why let them stay?
Everyone's far from who they could be
We're all on our way
Days we were strong we remember well, yeah
Days we were scared, we live and learn
Ask me the way and I will point above
No matter what, that where I turn
That where I turn

Labels: her, nocturnal